When we face conflict in our personal or professional lives, we often wish that the other party would act or think differently. In truth, the only factor in disputes we can directly change is ourselves. Increasing our awareness of how we cope with disagreements and changing how we assess and react to the situation lays the groundwork for improved relationships, healthy communication, and effective problem-solving. Continual self-reflection and observation are crucial to enhancing our conflict resolution skills and learning to improve and adapt our approach to different environments.

As a mediator, I recognize that conflict resolution is an expertise I must continually hone and learn more about throughout my life. A recent dispute in my personal life reminded me of the importance of self-reflection and timing when approaching a disagreement. My husband and I experienced a conflict with our neighbor, and we discovered that we each had different perspectives on approaching the situation. My husband wanted to resolve the issue immediately, and I avoided the problem because I did not feel the incident was worth addressing.

Avoidance of minor disagreements is an approach I learned growing up in my family, and these experiences have shaped how I react to conflicts throughout my life. My avoidance of the problem created tension with my husband because he felt I was not considering his feelings and why quickly resolving the dispute mattered to him. Recognizing his frustration caused me to avoid him even more, so the tension increased between us in a short amount of time. As the friction between us reached a tipping point, I had a moment of clarity where I realized that I needed to practice what I preach in my professional life and acknowledge how my avoidant behavior was worsening the situation with my husband and with our neighbor.

Once I recognized that my behavior was influencing the situation, I reflected on the experience. I thought about how my upbringing influenced my approach to conflict. I replayed my interactions with my husband and tried hard to imagine how my behavior made him feel. I also thought about the time of the day and our environment when the conflict unfolded. My intentional reflection made me realize that I needed to help my husband understand why I reacted the way I did and also communicate that I respected how he responded and had no intention of hurting his feelings. I decided that I had to find the right time and environment where we were both calm and not distracted to broach the issue with my husband. The next day, I raised the situation with my husband while enjoying our morning coffee, a relaxing time during our daily routine. I began by apologizing for my avoidant behavior and explained how my past experiences influenced how I approach conflicts. I told him I did not consider his approach to conflict or feelings. I then was silent and listened to my husband express his concerns, and we were able to have a healthy conversation about how to resolve the issue with our neighbor. I mended things with my husband because I took the time for self-reflection, which inspired a compromising conflict approach, and together, we resolved the dispute with our neighbor. My experience taught me that observation, reflection, and empathy are the root of successful conflict resolution. Taking time to develop awareness of our conflict modes, creating the space for self-reflection, and thinking about how others approach conflict helps us improve our ability to adapt and resolve the diverse situations we encounter. Applying resolution skills is a constant practice we can all do. Conflicts arise in all aspects of life, but how you approach the problem is the common denominator that can transform a challenging disagreement into a positive opportunity for growth. The more time we take to grow attuned to the influence of our backgrounds on our conflict approach and our awareness of the process of others, the more comfortable and effective we will be at resolving them in the future.