I’m a director in a political organization where I’ve worked for the last sixteen years. Over the previous five years, I have directed a team of thirty wonderful people to create events for the surrounding communities.

Recently my responsibilities have increased, and I needed to hire someone to support me. My supervisor discovered a candidate from another organization with a different background than me. I learned the person is motivated to divide my workload and complete the job.  However, when we met and began discussing projects, I realized we would not get along.  When we started working together, he questioned every decision I made, challenged everything I said, and scrutinized every penny I planned to spend.  He even went as far as analyzing past project files. His intense scrutiny of my work makes me feel he wants to change everything about what I am doing with the company.

The situation has made my life miserable. I can’t sleep, have developed anxiety, and always feel unhappy.  During meetings, he challenges everything I say in front of my peers and makes me justify everything I plan. I feel like he is attempting to change everything about how I work.  Every meeting we have had over the last six months has ended with him calling me hard-headed and me slamming the door as I exit. 

After six months of pure agony, I approached my director to discuss the situation.  When I met with him, he told me my colleague had also met with him about our conflict.  Since my director knew the person before he took the job, I feared their relationship had influenced his perception of the situation, making me feel like they were against me.  It escalated to the point where I wanted my colleague terminated from the organization. 

Thankfully, my director agreed that the situation had reached a tipping point and that he needed to do something.  However, instead of terminating my co-worker, he wanted us to find a way to work together.  My director met with our HR department to set up a mediation with Caroline Rioux from EVOCrh.

At first, I had no interest in attending mediation.  I had made up my mind that my colleague was the problem and he needed to leave.  The tension I felt when we were in the same room together made me uncomfortable.  Caroline suggested that the two of us meet with her separately for three meetings.  When we met, I vented, explained my story, and told her what would help me move forward and feel comfortable working with the person. She also met with my colleague and allowed him the same opportunity to speak freely. 

As Caroline guided me through the mediation process, I slowly began to see the light and the possibility of us working together.  If my colleague was willing to sit down with the mediator and work through our conflict, I was ready to do the same. After we met with Caroline, she set up a meeting with everyone. I was nervous and very sweaty.  However, the mediator slowly and carefully outlined the situation during three 90-minute sessions, and we both began to understand each other’s perspective and establish a clear line of communication.  Ultimately, we drafted an agreement outlining how we could agree to work effectively together.

We both signed the agreement and went back to work.  Honestly, I was skeptical about whether the mediation would change anything, and after two months, we had two huge arguments.  Caroline set up a follow-up meeting to discuss our recent conflicts and why we fell back into our previous behaviors. We both realized that disagreements could happen, and we must ensure that our tiffs are always constructive and not destructive.  We met three more times after the two arguments and now work together.  I feel much more secure in my job and working relationship with my colleague today. Although we are not best friends, I can trust him, and we support each other through all company challenges.

Reflecting on my mediation experience, I feel three crucial factors contributed to successfully resolving our issues.  First, I needed to understand that my associate did not have bad intentions.  I needed to recognize that his feelings came from a different place than I initially thought, and he believed he was behaving in a way that was best for the company.  Second, we needed to prioritize creating a place where constructive communication could occur so everyone could freely express themselves and feel heard. Creating a safe place for us both helped us heal from the conflict. Finally, we both needed to realize that we are a part of the same organization and share the same mission, so to help the company thrive, we needed to figure out how to work together.

Please contact EVOCrh to learn how Caroline can help your company untie the knots that block your organization’s growth.